DC in my WC

So...we went to Washington DC in June for two reasons. First, to attend the UMDF conference and advocate for Mitochondrial Disease on Capitol Hill and second, for a family vacation. If you've ever been to DC you know how much you have to walk...EVERYWHERE. Luckily, I knew this ahead of time and for the FIRST time I took my wheelchair on vacation. It was a psychological hurdle. Am I handicapped? What does that mean anyway? Years ago, I naively thought that wheelchairs were used only by people who literally could not walk, that and the injured or elderly. I'm not injured or elderly and I can walk, even run, but I find myself in DC in my WC (wheelchair).

I am purposely calling it MY wheelchair to get used to the sound of that. I bought it at a second hand store in my home town last year. I used it when we went to the fair last summer for the first time. It saved me from exhaustion and I was able to do everything I wanted without pooping out or having to recover for days. I found gratitude in that, but the wheelchair felt so foreign and strange. I can walk. I wonder what people are thinking? Does it surprise people when I stand up? Will they let me ride the rides when the see me roll up to them in a chair? Am I lazy? Am I that sick?

I had the "opportunity" to take my chair on another vacation with some friends earlier this spring and I just couldn't get myself to do it. But I knew, I KNEW, I would have to befriend myWC for DC.

I had the same questions in DC that I had at the fair last summer and more. But overall, it again was a blessing. I was able to do so much more and enjoy my family and vacation because I used my energy wisely.

I had an interesting experience I want to ponder with you. We were stopped on a sidewalk ready to cross the street when a family came up and stood by us. The mom looked at me, smiled and said "I am so jealous of you and that ride right now. You are so lucky." I smiled and said I could understand her. But her comment (meant to be kind) was naive. Think about it for a second...if someone is in a wheelchair, they live with restrictions, limits, disease, aging, frustration, it's not a fun ride.

It's not a fun ride. I wished I had taken the time to hand her a card I have with Mito information on it. I wished I had taken the time to say, "I understand, but I'd rather be walking." I want my body to do what I want it to do, and for a control freak like myself, being pushed around isn't a fun ride.

On the flip side, it is a blessing. I saw DC with my family...in my WC. For that I am so grateful! I wonder what others using assistive devices feel and think. I know I'm not alone in my thoughts. Feel free to share.

Jesus Feeds the 5000

How many times have I heard this story from the Bible? Dozens, maybe hundreds. It is an amazing story, one of many miracles that Jesus performed during his short ministry on earth, but it didn't seem to directly apply to my life. Until yesterday.

Maybe it never dawned on me because I was so self sufficient. I could do anything I set my mind on. I hiked the Grand Canyon, my hubby and I navigated the streets of New York during the black out of 2003 (never having been there before), I went to grad school while mothering and giving birth, I fought hard to improve my marriage, I spent good times with friends and family. I started my own thriving counseling practice and did not let that impede on my ability to be a "good mom." My kids were never in after school care and I was at every school event, conference, sporting event and a lot of time in between. I was the neighborhood "mom" where kids flocked to my house. We weren't rich, but we were living the American dream. We had a house on a cul-de-sac in a great small town, awesome neighbors, 2.5 children (minus the .5) and our dogs. I loved entertaining and becoming more successful in the counseling community I was a part of. I was outgoing and unstoppable. But I stopped.

There was a day in April 2007 where it became very apparent to me that my body was no longer cooperating with my goals and fast paced life. Frankly, my body was putting on the breaks, but I tried my foot on the accelerator (in my mind). I couldn't surrender. I am learning.

The feeding of the 5000 is a great story for me and others who suffer from lack. Yes, I said "lack." I don't care what you lack, for me it is energy, for you it may be something else, but that is what this story is all about. Humans who lacked and Jesus who took what they had and created abundance. As hard as I have tried, I have tried to create and hold on to many things in my lack-ing stance. I now see that it is not about me and what I can do, it is about Christ and what He can do. I give him the little energy I have (my 5 loaves and 2 fishes worth) and watch what he will do with it.

It is on days like this when I can hear God's love for me that I can rejoice in the suffering of my chronic illness. Trust me there are days I fight, throw fits, scream "this is unfair!" but today, there is hope.