Submission NOT Resignation

In this article of Chronic Compassion I have taken liberty (in the parentheses and italics) to add a few comments that run through my head as I read this scripture. I hope you enjoy a short trip through my brain and the Bible. Well, at least I hope you don't get lost.

Isaiah 48:17-18
This is what the Lord says (I think this might be good to pay attention to if God says so) -Your Redeemer (for sure!), the Holy one of Israel (oh how I love the story of the Israelites. I consider them my ancestors by faith): "I am the Lord your God (yes you are!) who teaches what is best for you (when I actually listen. Sorry. I get so distracted), who directs you in the way you should go. If only you had paid attention to my commands (if only I had trusted you were giving me commands that would yield fruit through this season of chronic illness),  your peace would have been like a river (peace...I have had the goal of peace in the midst of this life changing ordeal, but I have fought You so much. I love a small rushing river. The water sounds and looks so beautiful. The water moves without restraint, gliding over the bumpy paths of rocks, twists and turns. I've felt my journey has been more like climbing a mountain...trying so hard to make sense of the trail, climbing slopes too steep for my equipment, forgetting to stop and see the beauty, and resting only because I have to all the while missing the song of the crickets, frogs and silence), your well-being like the waves of the sea. (The ocean Lord...the place where you and I meet face to face. I find peace there. What a beautiful metaphor for me to consider. Thank you. I need to get to the ocean more often. I long for You. I want off the rocky, steep mountain I've been climbing and more time at the ocean where we once surfed together. I remember surfing although it seems so long ago. The waves would crash, but they felt like a blanket of your love covering me. You say my well-being can be like the waves of the sea? I love the waves of the sea Lord. They are guided by you, they have a rhythm and a purpose, but also have a way of being that no human can really predict. They bring beautiful things to the shore like shells, agates, wood and rocks. The waves curl and in that curl there is a cave of protection, which reminds me of king David seeking refuge. Though it seems chaos reigns on the outside, inside the curl there is beauty many don't chase to see, a quiet only you can create. The waves of the sea...are my destiny.)

Now...my reflections on my reflections. Lost yet? I hope not!
So how do I get off the mountain that I am not called to climb anyway? I want to find the water where I can find peace and well-being. I remember in the verse above, God saying something about paying attention to His commands because He is trying to teach me what's best for me and direct me in the way I should go. But so many times on this journey, I see where God is taking me and I don't want to go there. I want to go back...back to a life without pain and fatigue. Back to sleeping without medications. Back to an identity and profession I was proud of and worked hard for. Back to being able to be busy, stay up late, not get rest, yet still bounce back like nothing had happened. Back to a life where medical expenses didn't replace vacations. Back to hair appointments instead of doctor appointments. Back to when "things made sense and I knew who I was." Back to volunteering for my kids instead of volunteering blood samples and body tissues. Back to having some control, or at least thinking I did. Back to MY life...or do I?

MY LIFE (interesting to contemplate)...is now. I got it in my head that this obeying God and finding this peace in Isaiah 48 meant I had to RESIGN to a life of chronic illness. But at second look, I see that isn't the path to peace. The path is SUBMISSION. I submit to God's leading, teaching, direction and way. He, after all, is way, way smarter than I.

So, I simply and daily remind myself of the waters I dearly love that represent peace and well-being. One lesson, one direction, one moment at a time I seek His ways...and as the song goes~I trust and obey, for there is no other way. I will find peace and well-being when I trust and obey.