Where have I been?

I will spare you the details, but I've been on quite an emotional, physical and spiritual ride. For reasons that I am just now figuring out, I ditched this blog two years ago in spite of some people asking for me to write more. I felt inadequate. I didn't feel as if I were making a difference. My health was intimidating me and I didn't know how to share that. I want to be a beacon of light, but sometimes life with chronic illness just gets dark. What I have come to realize is that you are probably feeling the same way. I don't need to filter, to be helpful I need to speak the truth.

One of the journeys that led me far from blogging was my return to work. I love my work and I feel so blessed that I still have the health and mind to so do. At the same time, work has pushed both my body and mind past the point of healthy and so you will see that struggle come up from time to time in my writing.

I decided a year ago, I was going on a journey to leave behind any self-loathing, low self-esteem, disregarding of myself in any way behind. God had a very strange plan for that one. He asked me to be in a pageant. Yes...Mrs. Oregon International to be exact, the dress, crowns, stage, and all. Good grief! What was HE thinking? I'm not a beauty queen...or was that what He wanted to teach me? I am a beautiful queen in His eyes! Yes, as the long story turns out, that is what He wanted to teach me. He blessed me with scriptures, opportunities, a gown, hair and makeup and I walked out on that stage before my God and was proud of who he had made! In a place where I was being judged by earthly judges, I felt my most confident in the Lord. It was a pardox in the making. I don't know how it really worked,  because I didn't win the crown, but today I feel like a princess. A beautiful creation. I see myself a bit better through God's eyes and in that, I am both chosen and free, stronger and weaker, alive in him an dead in my flesh.

Speaking of flesh, my new journey. I did not get "in shape" for the pageant. I was by far the heaviest one there. That's what made my inner transformation even more miraculous. But now, I am dealing with this flesh, my chronically ill body. I will write more later, but I will leave you with this. I am proud of the 5 minute workout I did Tuesday, the 8 minute one Thursday and the 10 minute one today. I have been called to take care of the health I do have and quit taking if for granted. No worries. My blog won't become another work out blog, there are plenty of those. It's still me here...but you may hear me talking about it now and then. Until later....blessings on you all.